Sigh. I hope this title totally sells the essence of this piece…
If you are in Nigeria and live in Lagos, you can fully grasp the true meaning of rowdiness but if you aren’t, well, you have probably visited or been to a market at some point. A market is usually rowdy anyway so it’s the perfect example.
Albeit how cheery and chummy one might be, at some point you need some kind of space strictly for you and your thoughts but like every other thing or rather most things in life, getting/having too much can be toxic.
Rowdy isolation? Yeah, back to that. Ever wondered how a seemingly happy person could just up and take his or her own life and you start asking why?
“Oh! She led such a beautiful life”
“Why would he possibly take his own life, he was 35 and things were looking up?”
Here’s what I learned in the past year that made me realize rowdy isolation is a thing.
If you have certain ‘privileges’ in life, people just can’t or rather refuse to relate to the fact that there’s a high chance you do not have it all together. You are tired of trying to pass the message but it feels like making an attempt to break through a brick wall with your fists. We all know how impossible that is.
What happens next?
There are friends/family you can hang with but you can’t share your problems with. Why? They can’t relate and you know the worse thing ever is being around people who are not even remotely relatable.
So you have ‘fun’ in your life, you are not exactly lonely but you can’t really say how you feel to the people around you because you may sound ungrateful and seem like an ‘Oliver Twist’.
Yeah. You live in your own house. Drive a car. Have a job. People think you have no business being sad or down so everytime you try to utter a word about your frustration(s), they don’t let you and then it sinks into your heart with the intensity of an iron rod flung down a lake.
A rod in water rusts over time so does the pain in your heart. It spreads like a disease. You edge closer and closer to depression. You go to work, meet with colleagues, share jokes et al. You chill with your friends and have a good time. You may even be the life of the party but there’s a weight in your chest that only you can feel and most nights, you cry yourself to sleep because the burden is overwhelming yet you can’t share.
A lot of us are living in rowdy isolation — a whole lot. For someone who is not in any way oblivious to rowdy isolation. Here are a few ways, I think we can avoid this situation.
Like I say every single time, I am not one to care about family if loyalty is not involved. Loyalty is key and strangely, I think it’s underrated. Many people still do not get the concept of loyalty. It defies blood ties.
Know your tribe and stick with them like adhesive gum. People you trust and viceversa. People willing to make sacrifices for you without batting an eyelid. Life is easier that way, trust me. Real hommies, no faking. If you are surrounded with these kind of people. Sharing would be easy and more so, understanding.
2. Find Your Peace
Peace…peace. Your peace is key. It’s your prerogative. Do whatever you can to secure it. Terminate whatever or whoever it is that may be the likely cause of your frustration. Relationship, job, whatever. Life is way too short anyway.
3. Love Yours
Love you unapologetically. Your challenges do not define you. It’s only a phase. You know the beautiful thing about phases, they always make way for the next. They never last forever, nothing does actually.
This should be at the very top. Why worry when you can pray. Everytime worry creeps in, say a little prayer. I don’t know but it’s therapeutic for me. If that’s the right word. Oh! When you are really down, sometimes words elude you. Starting off with a prayer of gratitude can be quite helpful.
For me, I’d rather have two people in my life , I can easily share with than be in a crowded space full of people who I can’t speak to and who can’t hear me when I am distressed.
Look out for your friends especially the ones who are always the life of the party. Yeah, especially them.